10 months

I don't even know how to begin this post. I can't really process the fact that so much time has passed. 10 months. I think about the day she was born and the events that followed her quiet birth. My heart aches and my mind spins. 10 months. Almost a year. What's next? 2 years? 5? 20? I can hardly believe it.
But the amount of time seems irrelevant because every day feels the same. I love her the same. I miss her the same. I hurt the same. The thing that really gets me about the passing time is that it never stops. Time just keeps ticking despite the heartache. Despite the desperate need to pause and catch my breath. Time stops for no one. And it's just so unfair. Basically what I'm saying is that time is an asshole. And I wish I could punch it in the face.

9 Months

9 months ago today I held my sweet Jocelyn.
Sometimes it is so hard to believe that it's been 9 months.
Sometimes it is so hard to believe that is has only been 9 months.
This time last year I was blissfully pregnant.
Such a strange concept to me, now. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be blissfully anything ever again, let alone blissfully pregnant.

9 months. Grief is a fucking time warp.

I love you, Joce. As big as the sky.