Dear Jocelyn

June 13, 2012

Dear Jocelyn,

We scheduled your burial today. It is so surreal.  Sometimes, I can still feel you inside of me. I hope that's where you'll stay. I don't have a lot to say today. And yet I could write for hours. But I am so tired.
I miss you. I love you.
As big as the sky.

Momma






June 14th, 2012 - 7:30am

Dear Jocelyn,

One week. It's been once week since your birth. Almost to the minute, as I lay in bed and watch the clock. I replay the events of your birth in my mind. Thinking about the last moment that you spent inside of me. Knowing that you were already gone. Wishing I could hold you inside forever. Knowing that to push was to say goodbye, at least in the physical sense.
I miss you so much. Sometimes it hurts just to breathe. But I close my eyes and I picture you. This beautiful little girl playing freely in fields of flowers. And I remember, that you are free. That you knew only love in this world. That you knew no pain, or hurt, or sorrow.
I would gladly carry it all for a million years to protect you from it. I guess I kind of already am.
One week. I hope you enjoy your field of flowers.
I love you more than words.

Momma




June 19th, 2012

Dear Jocelyn,

Hey love. On my way to bed. Just wanted to say we love you. And miss you. I think about you constantly  I feel you around me sometimes. I hope as the dust settles, I can feel you more. You may know this already, but you have made such an impact on the lives of those who love you.
I wish I could hold you. Touch you. Kiss you. When I close my eyes, I can see you. You are beautiful and happy and free.
I hope you can still feel my love.

Momma